Honestly, I’ve healed from a lot, and I can share most of it without crying…
There are just some things that leave deep scars, and revisiting them will probably ALWAYS make me cry.
These are the events, traumas, experiences that no matter how many times they are triggered, there is a new layer of shit to process and heal from.
They say, “Time heals all wounds.”
I say, “Time gives me space to heal and scar.” Some wounds are so deep that they are a part of who you are.
For these “scars” I say, “learn from them and share your knowledge with others”
There is someone out in the world dealing with a trauma like yours, wondering if there is a light at the end of their tunnel, and they need your experience to help them navigate the healing process.
I think we’re making up for the past few years of unusual warm Winters🤣.
Last week: almost 2 feet, today 5-7 inches… we shall see 🤔. The rest of the week is calling for a few inches almost EVERY DAY 😖.
I DO love the snow. The impact it has on my job as a Home Healthcare Scheduler, not so much. The worry over caregivers not getting to clients, clients need care but don’t have anyone to clear driveways. 🤦🏻♀️
A few things that bring me joy and gratitude this morning: Christmas Tree at Sunrise.Vanilla Carmel coffee.Morning breathing exercise. Three new ornaments for my tree, made with love by my sister @judnickhalley, and the Russian Tea Cake Cookies sent by mom (all arrived in a box of thoughtful gifts last night).
Handmade Felt Ornaments (family tradition)
I won’t lie. I’ve been on the “Struggle Bus” since mid-October. I’m not discounting moments of joy and peace. I hold them close to my heart to keep me moving forward.
Warm Gifts from family
This has been a very tough year.
My husband’s work is in shutdown (unemployment) for the second time this year. 15 is struggling to keep up with school, participate in clubs, and (sigh) learning to drive. All with social distancing that means only video chats with friends.
My job in Home Health Care has been extremely stressful due to COVID regulations and trying to get 60+ Caregivers on-board with weekly testing (semi-successful) and wearing PPE (slightly more successful). Then add in those who get sick (COVID or just the common cold, stomach bug), those that have small children and are struggling with childcare, school-age children stuck in home learning (because God-forbid ALL towns run on the same plan or schedule), and just everyday catastrophe: car accidents, a slip & fall, a health concern that takes a bad turn… you get the picture.
Then there are our vulnerable clients, constantly worried whether having the help they need is going to cause their demise! It’s not a small concern, for most of our clients, their contact with the outside world comes in the form of our non-medical home caregivers, nurses,and physical therapists. Any number of persons or companies they rely on for their quality of life.
This is STRESSFUL.
I want to do better at LETTING GO of things I can’t control. I am having a hard time with this concept, which feels like it’s in direct conflict with the seriousness of my job.
If you have a stressful job and have been successful at doing your daily best and letting the rest go,I desperately need to HEAR from YOU!!!
Political views are one small part of who we are as individuals. We are all full of contradictions. How we chose to rectify those contradictions is an internal struggle that is NOT helped by someone telling you you’re not only wrong, but a horrible person, based solely on politics.
Broaden you view. See All the colors of the human experience and accept that we are all trying our best to find our way and be who we are in a world that is literally trying to tear us apart. ❤️❤️❤️
I know it’s been AGES since I’ve Blogged. Apologies to the few faithful followers.
I think we can all agree 2020 has been a challenge.
A shout out to those who are taking the 2020 challenge as an opportunity to embrace their inner strength and forge ahead! For myself, I vacillate between”forge ahead!” and “hide my head in the sand!” (Or under a blanket…
However you are making it through: feeling successful, stuck, or just hanging on… props for NOT GIVING UP.
This has become a guiding quote in my life of late.
I live my life by morals and values that are considered “conservative”
I’m not telling others how they should live, what they should believe, or how they should act.
I have taken to sharing my beliefs and values, though; which has come with a great amount of “backlash”
I believe in everyone’s rights to free speech. If your opinion differs from mine, I still respect you, even love you (if our relationship is close). I don’t believe we have to agree on everything to like, respect, or care for others.
I am finding that it is rare anymore for those who may disagree, to be respectful of opposing ideas, beliefs, and actions.
It’s been really hard on some friendships and I feel that I am loosing some friends that I previously thought were more open minded than their actions have proven.
Please, don’t close your mind and heart to friends and loved ones who’s beliefs, life choices, or opinions differ from your own.
Use it as an opportunity to open your heart and mind to other experiences, thoughts, ideas, knowledge that they have experienced and can share with you. Share your thoughts, ideas, and experience.
Learn from each other! Big things happen when we challenge ourselves outside our comfort zone!!!
Mental Health Awareness is a relatively “New Thing.” Many people still feel the sting of shame in admitting they are affected.
On a personal one-to-one basis, I am not ashamed to share my battle with mental illness, nor am I ashamed to admit my family is riddled with it in its many forms. On the “Grand Stage,” (aka: in a public way) it still scares me.
What will people think of me?
How will their opinion of my capabilities be altered?
Will they believe I am less capable of rational thoughts or behaviors?
Will they be afraid of me?
Mental illness is riddled with insecurities . It’s is my biggest Monster. Always lurking over my shoulder, whispering painful thoughts in my ear. Feeding on my secret insecurities, telling me I am just a big phony. My existence means nothing.
I fight this monster EVERY DAY. In addition to being a wife, a mother, an employee, a sister, a friend… I fight with my MONSTER EVERY DAY.
Most days, I beat that anxiety and depression monster back into the closet and slam the door. “Good Riddance!” I say, and move on with my day, knowing I am capable and valuable to the life I lead.
Other days, no matter how hard I try… that Monster sits on my shoulder and drags me through my day. Fake smile in place, I move through my day on autopilot, praying for bedtime and oblivion.
Then there are THE DAYS. The ones I can’t even get out of my pajamas. I’m sure I’m a worthless human being and the world would be a better place without me. These are my truly DARK DAYS. The days I don’t have the energy to fight the monster. The days I struggle to hold in all the pain and worthlessness I feel. And I PRAY for a better tomorrow.
During this time of Quarantine, I can tell you I have been on a wild never ending rollercoaster ride.
Shout out to those struggling with mental illness and winning… and those who feel like they are loosing. You are not alone ❤️.
To those who have friends and family who struggle with mental health… be kind. Reach out. Be grateful it’s not your battle to fight.
Mental illness NEVER ends. Just like so many other illnesses people live with daily, mental illness deserves the same respect and understanding.
Empowerment.Vitality.Evolution. 