Mental Health Awareness is a relatively “New Thing.” Many people still feel the sting of shame in admitting they are affected.
On a personal one-to-one basis, I am not ashamed to share my battle with mental illness, nor am I ashamed to admit my family is riddled with it in its many forms. On the “Grand Stage,” (aka: in a public way) it still scares me.
What will people think of me?
How will their opinion of my capabilities be altered?
Will they believe I am less capable of rational thoughts or behaviors?
Will they be afraid of me?
Mental illness is riddled with insecurities . It’s is my biggest Monster. Always lurking over my shoulder, whispering painful thoughts in my ear. Feeding on my secret insecurities, telling me I am just a big phony. My existence means nothing.
I fight this monster EVERY DAY. In addition to being a wife, a mother, an employee, a sister, a friend… I fight with my MONSTER EVERY DAY.
Most days, I beat that anxiety and depression monster back into the closet and slam the door. “Good Riddance!” I say, and move on with my day, knowing I am capable and valuable to the life I lead.
Other days, no matter how hard I try… that Monster sits on my shoulder and drags me through my day. Fake smile in place, I move through my day on autopilot, praying for bedtime and oblivion.
Then there are THE DAYS. The ones I can’t even get out of my pajamas. I’m sure I’m a worthless human being and the world would be a better place without me. These are my truly DARK DAYS. The days I don’t have the energy to fight the monster. The days I struggle to hold in all the pain and worthlessness I feel. And I PRAY for a better tomorrow.
During this time of Quarantine, I can tell you I have been on a wild never ending rollercoaster ride.
Shout out to those struggling with mental illness and winning… and those who feel like they are loosing. You are not alone ❤️.
To those who have friends and family who struggle with mental health… be kind. Reach out. Be grateful it’s not your battle to fight.
Mental illness NEVER ends. Just like so many other illnesses people live with daily, mental illness deserves the same respect and understanding.