Food For Thought

Mental Health Awareness

This is me

Mental Health Awareness is a relatively “New Thing.” Many people still feel the sting of shame in admitting they are affected.

On a personal one-to-one basis, I am not ashamed to share my battle with mental illness, nor am I ashamed to admit my family is riddled with it in its many forms. On the “Grand Stage,” (aka: in a public way) it still scares me.

What will people think of me?

How will their opinion of my capabilities be altered?

Will they believe I am less capable of rational thoughts or behaviors?

Will they be afraid of me?

Mental illness is riddled with insecurities . It’s is my biggest Monster. Always lurking over my shoulder, whispering painful thoughts in my ear. Feeding on my secret insecurities, telling me I am just a big phony. My existence means nothing.

I fight this monster EVERY DAY. In addition to being a wife, a mother, an employee, a sister, a friend… I fight with my MONSTER EVERY DAY.

Most days, I beat that anxiety and depression monster back into the closet and slam the door. “Good Riddance!” I say, and move on with my day, knowing I am capable and valuable to the life I lead.

Other days, no matter how hard I try… that Monster sits on my shoulder and drags me through my day. Fake smile in place, I move through my day on autopilot, praying for bedtime and oblivion.

Then there are THE DAYS. The ones I can’t even get out of my pajamas. I’m sure I’m a worthless human being and the world would be a better place without me. These are my truly DARK DAYS. The days I don’t have the energy to fight the monster. The days I struggle to hold in all the pain and worthlessness I feel. And I PRAY for a better tomorrow.

During this time of Quarantine, I can tell you I have been on a wild never ending rollercoaster ride.

Shout out to those struggling with mental illness and winning… and those who feel like they are loosing. You are not alone ❤️.

To those who have friends and family who struggle with mental health… be kind. Reach out. Be grateful it’s not your battle to fight.

Mental illness NEVER ends. Just like so many other illnesses people live with daily, mental illness deserves the same respect and understanding.

#mentalhealthawareness #openandbrave

Personal Growth · Random Thoughts

Dealing with Grief

I admit this is jarring. I would even call it ugly. It’s how I feel.

I am drowning in sadness today. Today it is just too much. There is too much pain… and it is ugly and dark and angry and even scary.

I am at the bottom,

Pain chokes my soul.

Tears I want to shed won’t come.

The Tears won’t fall,

Choking me.

Cracking apart.

Screams stick in my throat.

The pain won’t come out.

Today is a hard day. I know it will pass, but today is still here.

#openandbrave

Personal Growth

I Rise from the Ashes

Art Journal Project #100daychallege2020

My Affirmations lead to

My Gratitude, which leads to

Me: Rising from the Ashes of FEAR.

#artjournal #openandbrave

Food For Thought

Living in Social Distancing World

Taking pictures
Taking walks
Cuddles and Snuggles ROCK!
Drawing, Painting, Doodling
Sunshine and breezes Cooling
Puppy cuddles
Kitty nuzzles
Movies making laughter bubbles
Family time
Reading, lazing, joking
Alone time
Meditating, working, journaling
Time for reflection
Time for change
Making plans for what’s ahead!

03/28/2020 #openandbrave

Personal Growth

Just Keepin’ it REAL

This whole “quarantine” Social Distancing thing… Great intentions but making me feel a little LOONEY!!

Things I’ve been doing:

  • Working a few VERY LONG DAYS
  • Panicking over scheduling issues and hiring practices
  • Calming down and coming up with solutions (Thank You, to my mentor and boss)
  • Not sleeping great
  • Having panic attack
  • Calming down from panic attack
  • Doing (very little) art*
  • Doing Daily Gratitude*
  • Catching up on shows (Outlander fans?)
  • Watching fun, family friendly movies
  • Taking walks, sitting outside*
  • Texting with friends, and a few phone calls*
  • Snuggling with pets*
  • Snuggling with my hubby and daughter*
  • Cleaning (probably should do more)

* I need to ADD more of THESE!

How are you?

What is your “go-to” feel better thing?

#keepingitreal #openandbrave

Food For Thought

Angel Watching Over Me

pin.it/5bhgPV6

Something I made a few years ago while art journaling with Pastels.

Today, when I was feeling so anxious… looking at it reminded me of a time when I needed peace and found it hidden inside myself.

#openandbrave

Random Thoughts

Positivity In A Time of Crisis

During this time of social quarantine, school closures, supply panic and constant news loop of pandemic updates… try centering yourself.

Remember:

  • Who you are
  • What you believe in (faith)
  • What you value
  • Where your power lies (with YOU)
  • Take time to find forms of expression: art, writing, crafts, cooking…
  • Where do you find peace? Go there
  • Find ways to ground yourself in the HERE and NOW: meditation, music, breathing exercises

Stay strong! This too, shall pass. We will learn lessons and use them to be better prepared and more assured in the future.

Blessings

#choosejoy #openandbrave

Random Thoughts

Purpose

Borrowed: friend’s Facebook Post

It’s been a rough few days. Depression, anxiety, restless nights, challenging work situations to solve, and family members feeling stressed out… not sure what weighs more, but I’m tired and tired of sitting in this uncomfortable place.

#hangingon #feeling #openandbrave

Personal Growth

Honesty: Breaking Free

An Original, Feb 2020

I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want. AND what I’m afraid to ask for. Here is my list:

  • A close circle of friends I can ALWAYS depend on.
  • A Great Community of Women who enjoy sharing, supporting, and encouraging each other
  • EVE: Empowerment Vitality Evolution (living my mission)
  • Time and money to participate in growth opportunities that interest me.
  • To have AND be a LIFE COACH
  • Having an Accountability Buddy
  • More Romance in my life.
  • Making productive time for my mental and physical health (accountability buddy)
  • Adventure!
  • Being a leader (which scares the CRAP out of me!)

What are the things your HEART yearns for, but you’re afraid to put into words?

Food for thought…

#openandbrave #possibilities

Personal Growth

Don’t Quit

www.facebook.com/571419889954475/posts/612213985875065/

A video I did last year.

Rings true today as I am struggling with back pain and forced to do almost nothing.

Working on staying positive and looking on the bright side: I’m better today than yesterday, and I work from home where I can do a lot via cell phone and laptop.

Be Brave, Friends! Don’t Quit!!

#openandbrave