PLEASE! Tell me I’m not the only person who struggles with this conundrum!
What do you do when you want attention?
What if you don’t want to ASK for attention?
We want attention. We want certain kinds of attention. We want others to know what we want without having to ASK.
The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, deals with this issue from the marriage/relationship aspect. If you haven’t read it, I highly recommend it. Discovering your “love language” can be a HUGE boost to your relationship. More importantly, knowing your partner’s love language could completely transform the way you communicate with each other.
With friendships, I find this “need” for reciprocal attention, time, or interest much harder to figure out. A lot of MY problems in this area can be attributed to my “people-pleasing” tendencies. This bad habit has blurred the lines and been ineffective in developing reciprocal relationships with others.
So…I reach out to YOU, dear readers, for your experience, expertise, and resources.
HOW do you get your needs met with friendships?
How do you determine: when to stay or walk away?
What traits tell you THIS will be a friendship worth investing in?
I’m looking for honest experience and honest answers, especially if you’ve overcome a “People-Pleaser” personality issue.
I’ve been gone a while. From my Blog, from the “Me” I want to be, from having anything I felt I could share. For this, I am sorry.
I know that the writings of others often help me when I feel low, and yet that is when I am least likely to share. I don’t like to show the ugly underbelly of my depression and anxiety and where it takes me. The flip side of that is that I know these are the things that people need to hear and see… my very HUMANNESS.
I only want to share when I’ve figured something out, or had a new revelation.These are important too. Still, others also need to see the struggle. So again, I’m sorry for not being here to share mine.
I promise to do better at showing up. In the meantime, here’s a bit of wisdom (from elsewhere) that struck me recently:
I am posting my picture with this list because:
This picture is not me, and yet… it is me.
The REAL ME needs that second picture. That list of “Reminders.”
I am this picture… sometimes. I am often NOT this picture. I am the same mess you feel like. I struggle to do those “healthy things.”
Some days I can’t get out of my pajamas. Some days I can’t get organized. I don’t have energy or make time for self-care: exercise, Art, journaling, writing that “To Do List” (or doing it!).
Don’t be fooled by this first picture. She looks like she’s doing everything right… all the things you think you “should” be doing.
The ME behind the picture needs people like YOU. You remind me it’s ok to be a “Work-in-Progress” the same way you need ME to remind you that this list of Affirmations are important.
So… this past week my time-management skills and work-life balance were a little (a lot) off kilter.
I “glanced” at my Make Art Everyday book, everyday… but I was so brain tired and emotionally drained that I did NOTHING.
Saturday came and work had slowed some, I’d processed some emotional upheaval, and 15 had a BFF over. Suddenly, I found myself at loose ends with a wandering mind and restless hands. Voila!! Time for some ART PROMPTS.
So I didn’t make art everyday, but I still made ART!
Lesson for me (always): progress not perfection.
Did I follow My Plan perfectly? No.
Did I stumble and procrastinate? Yes.
Did I get it done? Yes.
Life is messy. Some days my “Best” is not so great. Some days my “Best” is Awesome! … and some days I just show up and make it to bedtime without creating a bigger mess.
Those really “messy” days are full of pain and “shoulds” and “I’ll never be good enough”…. and THOSE are the days I have to work really hard to love myself, so I can make it to my productive, awesome days.
This week had more messy days than usual, but I got in my Awesome on Saturday and made it up to myself with Art ❤️.
If you haven’t already, watch “God’s Not Dead.” It’s a powerful movie, an amalgam of court cases between schools and faith organizations.
It speaks loudly of faith being a choice we all have in a free society, just as we have the choice to not have a faith. It speaks to the battle ground of today’s society’s fear of supporting people of faith.
The Newsboys music is featured and the movie ends at Newsboys concert.
You’ll recognize many famous faces in this movie.
I hope you find it as powerful, moving, and uplifting as I did.
This is a harsh reality for some, but for me I find comfort in being Responsible.
As a person who grew up under severely dysfunctional and abusive circumstances, having the ability to be responsible for my life is a gift. It means I am no longer a victim of my life. I am the commander, with God as my compass, and I have the power to choose.
I can choose to change a situation by speaking up, or by removing myself.
I can choose to react or respond, or to walk away with no explanation.
I can choose where I focus my energy and what I deem important in my life.
Yes, choices are hard. Life is difficult. Bad things happen.
Still, I can choose to walk my path with God as my guide.
I can choose to ask others for help and support.
I can choose to share my life, and who I let stay in my life.
There is so much POWER to be had in being RESPONSIBLE.