I can be imperfect and confident at the same time.
I Am Affirmations App
As part of my “People Pleaser” recovery, my therapist has me reading: The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists by Eleanor D. Payson, M.S.W. I am only halfway through Chapter 2 and already my mind is blown. I learned to be a People Pleaser from the BEST: Narcissists. Now come on! I can’t be alone on this!
Now I really need to finish the book to get all the benefits. I can already tell you I feel less crazy about the need to distance from certain people and the amount of relief I have in trusting my “gut” instincts.
I am always a “Work in Progress” and at the same time – enough.
Angelic Westfall affirmation 😉
For those of us who are empathetic, soft-hearted, optimists about people; Narcissists are the life-suckers who zap our energy without giving anything back. If you feel tired after every interaction with someone and they never show up when you’re in need, chances are strong you’re dealing with a narcissistic person (degrees of illness vary).
As I have started cleansing my life of the worst habitual offenders and understanding my own needs better, I have begun to be not only consistent, but CONFIDENT in my choices of action and decisions to stand by those actions – come what may. Just saying this out loud (or typing it) gives me a sense of Personal Power. “I can choose.” and not feel guilty later.
Tune in as I continue my journey, and please share your experience, that our shared support can help us all.
This has always been my challenge and my desire. When I am successful, amazing growth, understanding, acceptance happen.
Getting off that mouse wheel of Life is the struggle.
Then again, sometimes I’m so worried I won’t like the answer that I intentionally practice avoidance.
Like right now… I know job applications should be top of my list, but it’s scary putting myself “out there” and easy to laze in the “status quo.”
My boundaries have improved and I’ve been granted 2 days off instead of one. (It’s taken 2.5 years and a serious bout of burnout). Now, instead of moving toward the NEW I’m languishing in the FAMILIAR.
I see this quote in two parts: willingness to step outside my comfort zone AND willingness to be quiet with myself to hear the answer to the question, “What is my next step?”
The TRUTH is… at 3-years-old (2008), little Miss was Hell On Wheels. She tested EVERYTHING. The day this picture was taken, we had a 4-hour Showdown over cleaning up a mess.
There have been many moments I thought “I can’t do this, be the Mom she needs.” At 16-years-old (2021),I still sometimes feel the same way.
Still, it’s been an beautiful journey. I’m so proud to be THIS GIRL’S mom.
We guarded her childhood like we were on a MISSION. That Mission: for her to be a child for as long as possible.
2020 kinda blew that out of the water. Being bombarded with so much stuff and all of us “hanging on” for dear life. It seems like this almost 2 years have gone in Fast-Slow-Motion.
All of the sudden she’s 16, a Junior in High School, and one foot out the door to “Real Life.”
We’re now talking College and careers and all sorts of grownup things. She’ll be 17 soon, then I’ll BLINK and she’ll be 18 and heading off into The World.
GAHHH! Some days I really do want to go back to 3. It’s sounds crazy even as I say it… because 3 was HAIR-RAISING! But the challenges were smaller.
Today I worry:
Did I teach her enough?
Is she going to be ready for the things life throws her way?
Am I going to be ready to give her up to… LIFE?
As much as “people” like to wax poetic about “Enjoy Every Moment” parenthood is a non-stop Rollercoaster Ride: sometimes exhilarating, often terrifying, full of laughter and tears, a ride that ends at 18.
Of course, you NEVER stop being a parent, but the job is very different. You’re on the sidelines not in the event.
As someone who’s childhood was not protected, who “grew up” WAY too young, I am glad that my daughter has had the childhood I couldn’t have: carefree, play dates and imagination run amok.
I love the young woman she’s becoming and the evolution of our relationship. I also love reminiscing about play-do and dress up, glitter everywhere and slime, the excitement of “Firsts.”
PLEASE! Tell me I’m not the only person who struggles with this conundrum!
What do you do when you want attention?
What if you don’t want to ASK for attention?
We want attention. We want certain kinds of attention. We want others to know what we want without having to ASK.
The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, deals with this issue from the marriage/relationship aspect. If you haven’t read it, I highly recommend it. Discovering your “love language” can be a HUGE boost to your relationship. More importantly, knowing your partner’s love language could completely transform the way you communicate with each other.
With friendships, I find this “need” for reciprocal attention, time, or interest much harder to figure out. A lot of MY problems in this area can be attributed to my “people-pleasing” tendencies. This bad habit has blurred the lines and been ineffective in developing reciprocal relationships with others.
So…I reach out to YOU, dear readers, for your experience, expertise, and resources.
HOW do you get your needs met with friendships?
How do you determine: when to stay or walk away?
What traits tell you THIS will be a friendship worth investing in?
I’m looking for honest experience and honest answers, especially if you’ve overcome a “People-Pleaser” personality issue.
So… this past week my time-management skills and work-life balance were a little (a lot) off kilter.
I “glanced” at my Make Art Everyday book, everyday… but I was so brain tired and emotionally drained that I did NOTHING.
Saturday came and work had slowed some, I’d processed some emotional upheaval, and 15 had a BFF over. Suddenly, I found myself at loose ends with a wandering mind and restless hands. Voila!! Time for some ART PROMPTS.
So I didn’t make art everyday, but I still made ART!
Lesson for me (always): progress not perfection.
Did I follow My Plan perfectly? No.
Did I stumble and procrastinate? Yes.
Did I get it done? Yes.
Life is messy. Some days my “Best” is not so great. Some days my “Best” is Awesome! … and some days I just show up and make it to bedtime without creating a bigger mess.
Those really “messy” days are full of pain and “shoulds” and “I’ll never be good enough”…. and THOSE are the days I have to work really hard to love myself, so I can make it to my productive, awesome days.
This week had more messy days than usual, but I got in my Awesome on Saturday and made it up to myself with Art ❤️.