Thank You, Pinterest!
My Daily Prayer
Thank You, Pinterest!
Tag: progress not perfection
The Real Me and the “Me” You See
I’ve been gone a while. From my Blog, from the “Me” I want to be, from having anything I felt I could share. For this, I am sorry.
I know that the writings of others often help me when I feel low, and yet that is when I am least likely to share. I don’t like to show the ugly underbelly of my depression and anxiety and where it takes me. The flip side of that is that I know these are the things that people need to hear and see… my very HUMANNESS.
I only want to share when I’ve figured something out, or had a new revelation.These are important too. Still, others also need to see the struggle. So again, I’m sorry for not being here to share mine.
I promise to do better at showing up. In the meantime, here’s a bit of wisdom (from elsewhere) that struck me recently:
“filtered” Me 
Affirmations
I am posting my picture with this list because:
- This picture is not me, and yet… it is me.
- The REAL ME needs that second picture. That list of “Reminders.”
I am this picture… sometimes. I am often NOT this picture. I am the same mess you feel like. I struggle to do those “healthy things.”
Some days I can’t get out of my pajamas. Some days I can’t get organized. I don’t have energy or make time for self-care: exercise, Art, journaling, writing that “To Do List” (or doing it!).
Don’t be fooled by this first picture. She looks like she’s doing everything right… all the things you think you “should” be doing.
The ME behind the picture needs people like YOU. You remind me it’s ok to be a “Work-in-Progress” the same way you need ME to remind you that this list of Affirmations are important.
The Ugly Truth
Working up the nerve and the faith to write about my life raw and unvarnished. Just facing the journaling process is intimidating.
Anyone out there with experience sharing their hard-won experience honestly and without color?
Please share your thoughts.
I’ll be posting as I make progress on my journey.
Riding the “Struggle Bus”
There are Days. Weeks. Months. Where the only thing keeping me going is my dark, sarcastic sense of humor… and :
- Prayer
- Meditation
- Gratitude
- My Family
- Nature
These keep me hanging on when I’m struggling hard with my twin monsters: Depression and Anxiety.
2020-2021 has been a B**** Of a year! The struggle to keep moving forward is DAILY.
I don’t know who else needs to hear this:
If you got out of bed today, you’re wining.
If you kept going despite your trials, you’re wining.
If all you did was move from bed to couch… good for you!
If you made a gratitude list and you felt it for even a few minutes 🎉.
If you reached out for help ⭐️⭐️⭐️
If you showered and got dressed, YEAH!!!
My LOVE and Prayer go out to everyone who is on the “Struggle Bus” with me and doing what they can to not give up the fight! ❤️
HUGS!❤️❤️❤️
LIFE IS MESSY: Do It Anyway
So… this past week my time-management skills and work-life balance were a little (a lot) off kilter.
I “glanced” at my Make Art Everyday book, everyday… but I was so brain tired and emotionally drained that I did NOTHING.
Saturday came and work had slowed some, I’d processed some emotional upheaval, and 15 had a BFF over. Suddenly, I found myself at loose ends with a wandering mind and restless hands. Voila!! Time for some ART PROMPTS.
So I didn’t make art everyday, but I still made ART!
Lesson for me (always): progress not perfection.
Did I follow My Plan perfectly? No.
Did I stumble and procrastinate? Yes.
Did I get it done? Yes.
Life is messy. Some days my “Best” is not so great. Some days my “Best” is Awesome! … and some days I just show up and make it to bedtime without creating a bigger mess.
Those really “messy” days are full of pain and “shoulds” and “I’ll never be good enough”…. and THOSE are the days I have to work really hard to love myself, so I can make it to my productive, awesome days.
This week had more messy days than usual, but I got in my Awesome on Saturday and made it up to myself with Art ❤️.
Healing is a Journey, Not a Destination
Who else feels like this will take a lifetime?
Honestly, I’ve healed from a lot, and I can share most of it without crying…
There are just some things that leave deep scars, and revisiting them will probably ALWAYS make me cry.
These are the events, traumas, experiences that no matter how many times they are triggered, there is a new layer of shit to process and heal from.
They say, “Time heals all wounds.”
I say, “Time gives me space to heal and scar.” Some wounds are so deep that they are a part of who you are.
For these “scars” I say, “learn from them and share your knowledge with others”
There is someone out in the world dealing with a trauma like yours, wondering if there is a light at the end of their tunnel, and they need your experience to help them navigate the healing process.
Running in Circles
So much of the past year (March 2020-March 2021), and even periods of my life before, have felt like illustration #1: I’m running in circles loosing my mind and sense of perspective.
Reality IS illustration #2: I may be running in circles, but I am NOT in the same place.
Each lap teaches me something new.
Each lap forces me to TRY a new approach.
Each lap I get a little bit stronger: mentally, physically, or spiritually.
If you feel like you’ve been running in circles this is for you:
Yes! you may,in-fact, BE running in circles. Running in circles doesn’t always mean your staying in the same place.
Responsibility IS Freedom
This is a harsh reality for some, but for me I find comfort in being Responsible.
As a person who grew up under severely dysfunctional and abusive circumstances, having the ability to be responsible for my life is a gift. It means I am no longer a victim of my life. I am the commander, with God as my compass, and I have the power to choose.
I can choose to change a situation by speaking up, or by removing myself.
I can choose to react or respond, or to walk away with no explanation.
I can choose where I focus my energy and what I deem important in my life.
Yes, choices are hard. Life is difficult. Bad things happen.
Still, I can choose to walk my path with God as my guide.
I can choose to ask others for help and support.
I can choose to share my life, and who I let stay in my life.
There is so much POWER to be had in being RESPONSIBLE.
Making Time for Myself
It’s been a year since I’ve been able to take art classes at Briah Lucky Studio inNew Haven, CT.
I’ve really missed it and struggled to make time for art at home in the midst of working from home. SO… this was my therapist’s solution:
Make Art Every Day by Katie Vernon
I have recently found that I need strong structure to make time for myself and things that are important to me. Otherwise, WORK and Exhaustion take over my life 😖.
Work in Progress
Today’s Wins:
- Got up early!
- Did stretches!
- Watched the sunrise
- Gratitude Journaling
- Had 16 oz water, cup of coffee, & ate breakfast
- Reached out to a friend with an honest and vulnerable heart
- Had a good cry
- Showered and dressed
…. ALL BEFORE 8am! & start of work!
Also:
- took time to have a phone conversation, I miss hearing my friends voices!
- Set a timer for lunch break! … AND took a lunch break!
Yeah! Balance!
Empowerment.Vitality.Evolution. 