When You’re Drowning

This week has been a struggle. I have felt like I’m barely keeping my head above water and then I’m drowning. I truly believe God carries me, when I can’t carry myself. This has been one of those weeks. I could give you a list of reasons, but they don’t really matter. What matters is how I deal with the struggle.

Let me preface by saying, “Yes, I struggle with depression.” I don’t like to say this often because I don’t want “depression” to define me. I like being a positive person. I like looking for the best in every situation. However, sometimes the ugly monster gets the better of me and life IS a struggle. I feel like I’m drowning.

That’s how depression feels for me… like a monster trying to drag me under. Then I have God. God carries me when the monster is at my heals. The Monster says, “You’ll never succeed, no matter how much you try.” God says, “I’m here, and I’ll carry you until you’re strong enough to try again.”

This is where I’ve spent this week. In a tug-of-war between the Monster, trying to pull me down; and my Faith telling me not to give up just yet. My favorite poem (by John Greenleaf Whittier) reverberates through my head:

"...Don't give up, though the pace seems slow, you may succeed with another blow! Success is failure turned inside out, the silver tint on the clouds of doubt. And you never can tell how close you are, it may be near when it seems afar. So stick to the fight when your hardest hit. It's when things seem worst that you MUST NOT QUIT."

I’m fighting the good fight. I’ll do my yoga, eat a healthy breakfast, shower and dress… even though I want to sit in my PJ’s all day and veg in front of the TV. I will make a list and get stuff done. I will spend time with my daughter, on her summer break. I will do my best to BE in the moment.

Then, maybe tomorrow, or the day after… this dark cloud will have passed and I will feel like “ME” again. I will be back to my “Can-Do” attitude. I will emerge from this cocoon of despair a stronger ME, knowing that I am stronger than anything that tries to set me back, tear me down, drag me under. #openandbrave